johnny and tim

It you think this post is going to be anything about our tall Greek friend Johnny, you're wrong. Other Johnny. The better one. Johnny Depp and Tim Burton are two of my favorite people in Hollywood. And they are bffl. When Tim starts a new movie, its become pretty standard that Johnny will star and his wife, Helena Bonham Carter, also might co-star. Tim Burton has become pretty famous for his dark, making it somewhat comical, view of a situation. It kind of like looking at the world through Katy's eyes. Although I am huge Tim fan, I noticed that many of my friends haven't seen some of his greatest movies. So, I wanted to talk about some of the most notable ones that you should take some time out to watch. Edward Scissorhands is one of my favorite movies of all time. The movie follows a "man" created with scissors as hands who lives in an abandoned manor. He is taken in to a neighborhood by a naive sweet woman. Somehow this ridiculous plot makes me cry my eyes out every time. Definitely take note to the pastel rows of houses and pretty sweet looking neighborhood. The next movie is a great one I'm sure many have seen. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! I absolutely love this movie! After years and years it never gets old. Winona Ryder stars in both these movies, yet in this one she discovers a fantasy world of the dead. Its completely weird, unrealistic, and great. I'm pretty sure the dead on the "other side" look something like I do after a rough weekend in Milwaukee. Lastly, my absolute favorite Tim Burton movie Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Although Johnny was nominated for an Oscar and won the Globe for his role as Sweeney, I don't think a lot of people really acknowledged the movie as much as it should have been. Yes, the subject matter is a little different and some may think a little frightening, but its a movie I recommend you give a chance! The movie is based on both a movie and stage musical. Apparently when Tim asked Johnny to come aboard for the film he had never even heard Johnny sing a tune, but he just knew. Like when guys see me, they just know I'm the woman from their dreams... Anyways, Johnny can definitely sing! Sweeney Todd is a barber that seeks revenge on the man that mistreated him in his past, resulting in furious rage causing him to kill all men that enter his barber shop with a quick slit of the throat...oh yeah and then use they're bodies to make meat pies. Obviously. The entire movie is shown through black and white tones and dark scenery. Until the blood! The blood is the most vibrant of all reds, making it that much cooler and farfetched. Also, as I have mentioned, the movie is a musical! All the actors in the movie are great really great singers. And for you Harry Potter fans, we have a few alums carrying a tune, Snape, Bellatrix, and Peter Pettigrew. Even though the songs generally talk about eating human pies and murdering innocents, they are quite catchy. The CD is actually in my car right now. I wonder if people think I'm a freak when they see me at a stop light singing "They alllllll deserve to die!" Its honestly an awesome movie and I hope you all get a chance to try it out. I think you will be presently surprised! Cannot wait till Alice in Wonderland!!!

Tim movie I didn't really like: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Other great Tim movies: James and the Giant Peach, Batman, Batman Returns, The Nightmare Before Christmas
Other Tim movies I still need to see: 9, Corpse Bride

Is that Edward Scissorhands or Dietz?

modern family

100% one of the best new shows of the season. Absolutely hilarious in every way. For anyone who doesn't watch this show I recommend you start right now. It really depicts how much the American family has changed in the past few decades. We have the openly gay couple, with the hilariously flamboyant Cameron. The older man, formerly known as Ted Bundy, with his extremely hot younger wife, Gloria. The dad, Phil, who tries to be cool and hip with his daughter and her boyfriend, calling him nicknames like D Money. Phil is the perfect man for me. I would do anything to meet a man who is exactly like him, or just to actually marry Ty Burrell would be just fine with me too. He is such a nerd and his humor is so awful that its absolutely perfect. I'm pretty sure he would throw Lord of the Rings viewing parties and think its actually cool. Another great character on the show is Gloria's son Manny. He is so adorable and so funny for his age. I'm pretty sure Manny is just a spanish version of BD. The suave young kid looking for love and offering advice to older women. For sure BD. Do you think he will try to woo women with bottles of wine and conversation like BD too? The other character that you need to watch for is Cameron. Cameron is married to his male partner and now has an adopted daughter. He really has no idea what social norms are and plays dress up with his daughter for every holiday, even making her black for MLK Day. I think my friend Johnny is gonna be just like him once I birth John Jr. I'll go off to work my 9-5 while he teaches our daughter how to make his next flannel jacket.

Click this link to watch a little preview of my main man: Phil
Below is Phil, Cameron, and Manny.

spring preview

As spring approaches, so do a lot of great flicks in the coming months. So I put together a little list of the movies I want to see, have some potential, or flat out want to avoid. So check out the list so you know which movies I will be attempting to drag you to...

Must See
Alice in Wonderland: March 5th. This is obviously going to be amazing. Tim Burton is one of my favorite directors. Johnny Depp is my favorite actor. 3D. What can go wrong.
Green Zone: March 12th. Matt Damon back to his Bourne days as an U.S. Army officer investigating what looks to be a possible conspiracy overseas. He's beautiful so I can only imagine how much better he will look in Army fatigues.
Remember Me: March 12th. Two words. Rob Pattinson. After being arrested he attempts to piss off the arresting officer by seducing his daughter. This seems to lead him to discover himself and, as in every romantic movie, fall for the girl. Not only do I love Rob and Emile De Ravin (Claire from Lost), but the movie actually looks pretty good.
Clash of the Titans: March 26th. A remake of the original Clash of the Titans about Zeus' mortal son attempting to stop evil in the underworld. Sam Worthington (Terminator Salvation and Avatar) plays Perseus in a skirt. Why wouldn't you see this movie solely for that reason. Liam Neeson, who is on my list as the 3rd man I would want to be my dad if I didn't already have one that is the bomb, and Ralph Fiennes, Lord Voldemort, are also starring. If you are many of my girl friends who don't enjoy this fantasy stuff, you probably should steer clear.

Movies with Potential
The Crazies: February 26th. I'm a big fan of Timothy Olyphant, who will be starring in his own FX series Justified. Although I'm scared of my own shadow, I have a feeling this movie is actually going to be pretty good. It's kind of like Zombieland minus the ridiculousness and humor. I'm interested to see the reviews and ratings. And why everyone has gone crazy...
The Runways: March 19. A retelling of Joan Jett and her band. I don't think I will ever see this movie until it hits DVD, but I mainly just wanted to talk about it so I had a chance to explain my hatred for Kristen Stewert. She sucks. Like really sucks. She is not a good actress, but for some reason keeps being casted in these indies. So, I guess she makes out with Dakota Fanning. Big Deal. I wish she would just smile for once in her life. And I don't think everyone in this world needs to be tan but I can see through her. Like please stop trying to act like you don't care about your appearance and your stardom. And if I hear you use the word "self-deprecate" in an interview one more time I'm flying to LA to kick your ass. You're 19, stop acting 35.

How did someone allow this movie to be made?
Cop Out: February 26th. Tracey Morgan could not be more annoying in the trailer. Bruce Willis can do much better. This movie looks more like a spoof to Die Hard.
The Bounty Hunter: I don't care when it come out because it looks so awful. Gerard Butler plays a bounty hunter coming to collect from his ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston. I think both of these actors are good enough to play better roles, yet then sign on to play the worst roles to make a quick buck. Let me guess, after running form some ridiculous obstacle the two fall in love again. Vomit.

Theres also a few Nicolas Cage movies coming out which I refuse to mention in hopes that he moves to a deserted island and I never have to see or hear about him again. Sorry Sammy :)

What is with Americas thrill for this thing? A shower or a smile couldn't hurt.

bauer

Mondays at 8pm the world stops. It's Bauer time. Now some of you may watch 24, some not, but I urge you to join in on our savior Jack Bauer as he yet again stops a nuclear bomb, prevents the spreading of a virus, or simply beats ass. I was not a fan until a few months ago after my brother and sisters repeated attempts to take me to the other side. There were two reasons I didn't want to join the obsession. 1: I thought this would be cheating on my favorite spy of all time, Sydney Bristow. If you don't know who Sydney Bristow is, that would mean you are not my friend, and you should stop reading this blog immediately. 2: 24 was about to enter its 8th season and I figured why start now. Boy was I wrong! After continued badgering I said why not, I'll try out season one and see what I think. One of the best television decisions of my life! Yes Matt and Michelle, you can quote me on that one. I surrender. Suddenly I found myself jobless, in a dark bedroom, completing 7 seasons and the 2 hour 24 movie in 3 weeks. Sick? Maybe.  Impressive? You betcha. Now every Monday at 8pm, my brother, my sister, and I huddle around our basement TV to watch one hour of knife flinging, brutal torturing, and attempted terrorism. Following last weeks episode, my friend Caryn, a fellow Bauer enthusiast, and I were discussing that latest episode of 24. We started talking about "what if one of our friends was like Jack Bauer and nobody ever knew it?" So we started with our most ridiculous friends, BD the suave banker, Corn the boy who thinks he is a raptor when intoxicated, Sammy who calls people names like "babies" and "my little sweeties," or Dan who knows more words to the High School Musical soundtrack then most 12 year-old girls. Although great friends, I don't really imagine them diffusing bombs and saving America on a daily basis. But who am I to judge? So I ask you to think about your friends who seem like they just don't belong in the spy world? Yes this conversation makes no sense since none us are or ever will be spies, but still pretty funny to think about. What if when your friend was "going to work," "babysitting," "going to class," or "blacked out," they were really saving the country for our fellow Americans? Keifer Sutherland plays a great Jack Bauer, yet he has his alcoholic troubles of his own...

Would you really think Jack Bauer would be one of the greatest spies of all time if you saw him like this?

shutter island

Wow. I think there are gonna be plenty of soiled seats in that movie theatre. Leo and Marty never cease to amaze me. Dennis Lehane has yet again created an amazing story, with an ending no one could possibly guess. Well, I take that back, I guessed a large part of it, but thats just because I'm a genius. If you are the one person in American that doesn't know what this movie is about, Bailey, it follows two police officers who are investigating a missing person at a mental institution on a secluded island. This island houses the criminally insane and most violent ones of them all. Sounds like Murphy's Irish Pub around 2am on a Friday night... I wonder if Kit assaulting her best friend at a bar or me slapping the shit out of a certain boy who looks like a cross between a rat and a q-tip counts as criminally insane? Are McG's actions on her 21st birthday something worthy of a bed on Shutter Island? Something to mull over. Anyways, Leo had a great performance, continuing to make himself one of the best actors of our time. I hope they remember this come Oscars 2011. This is a movie that everyone NEEDS to see. Its creepy, smart, and twisted, with a great set and cast. Surprisingly Michelle Williams did pretty good and creeped the shit out of me. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight.

For you consideration:
Another Marty/Leo movie: The Departed, The Aviator, Gangs of New York (word of a future flick together called Sinatra)
Another Dennis Lehane based movie: Gone Baby Gone, Mystic River

Right now I'm in the process of reading a Dennis Lehane novel called "Prayers for Rain." I'm liking it so far, I'll keep you posted.

valentines day

More like Armageddon. What to say about this movie. It was probably one of the biggest disappointments of the year, especially coming from director Gary Marshall, who also made classics like Pretty Woman and Laverne and Shirley. There were way too many characters in this movie that we didn't even get a chance to give a shit about with happens to them. The movie only made million because Bradley Coopers pretty face was all over the trailers. Apparently Julia Roberts was in the movie a total of 6 minutes and she made 3 million for it. Thats so bogus. Also taylor Swift may be able to sing, but her acting skills are about as believable as me being black. Jessica Biel's character on the other hand reminded me of a certain friend I know well, Miss Kathryn Wolff. She spends her life hating the idea of Valentine's Day and everything that encompasses it. Sort of like Katy chugging beers and toasting to the end of the world in 2 short years, or for her 2 very long years. The only saving grace in this movie was, of course, my girl Jennifer Garner. What I wouldn't do to be her. She's just perfect. This movie was a wannabe "He's Just Not That Into You," yet completely missed the target. Spending ten minutes per storyline doesn't get the point across. Yet, somehow they have already green lit a sequel called New Years Eve, which will still make millions from girls wishing for love or need an excuse to live through the characters to pretend they have love. Hopefully the movie will premiere in 2013 so we won't be on this earth to get a chance to see it.

How much surgery do you think I need to look like her? Heidi Montag style?

jack dawson

"When I take nicotine patches I have blood curdling nightmares of murder. Mass murders. I wake up in the middle of the night and have to take them off. I don't really remember my dreams that much apart from then. I don't know what that means about me from a psychological point of view but that's the truth."

- Leonardo DiCaprio, on trying to give up smoking

Kit maybe you should start taking nicotine patches, that way maybe you can take your anger out in your dreams instead of praying for 2012 every night.

wolfman

So I went on a date to see The Wolfman last night. By date I mean my dad bought us two tickets, I smuggled in pretzels, and we pinned down my sister after the show asking if she's been bitten by the beast. So the movie wasn't getting the best reviews, but either way, I was dying to see it. Overall I'd give the movie about 2 1/2 stars, not bad. Now, I don't think this is a movie that I would recommend to everyone, my friend Mary would probably enjoy the teletubbies more than this, but I enjoyed it. Maybe part of the reason is because Benicio Del Toro was in it. I mean I could probably watch him tie his shoes for 2 hours, find a way to enjoy it and dream of jumping his bones. It must be that exotic foreign charm. Back to the actual movie, the Talbot mansion was awesome. The movie was set in 1891 and everything really fit the era. I loved the darkness and the candlelight throughout the movie. Also, the man to wolf transformation was great. Although the actual wolfman himself didn't look exceptionally real, the transformation was really cool to watch. I felt like I was watching some of my friends on a night out (Julie, Bridget, and Corn, especially Corn). From man to wolf in 10 rum and cokes.

Would you even care if he bit you?